Often friends and family let us know how sad they are that we didn't have biological children or they try to be very sensitive when telling us their good news of expecting a child. I have not struggled with feeling sorrow or anger in being infertile. Before we were married, Chris and I planned to adopt. So being entrusted to raise our children has never felt like "plan B." Still, I know other couples really do struggle with why God gives children to mothers who abort them. I belong to an e-mail list serve and one woman shared her grief after a friend announced her pregnancy. Others rallied to her support on the list and she wrote back the following note, quoting her favorite response. I want to share it because I believe the author quoted expresses my heart so well!
"Dear, sweet friends -- I will never be able to thank those of you enough who responded to my sad little e-mail about my girlfriend's pregnancy. It's good to know that I am not alone in my sadness! The BEST response I got...one that will truly get me through this long wait...was:
'...when I asked God for an older, special needs child from China, I was begging for the crumbs at a feast where everyone else was getting their fill. But now that I have my son here, I see that God was refusing to give me the crumbs because he was saving the best seat at the banquet for me. [Name removed] is the son I was always meant to have. I am sooooo thankful for just how perfectly he fits into our lives and hearts. The truth is there are no "crumbs" at God's banquet, only perfect matches that He makes in His infinite wisdom. Children perfect for the families He has chosen for them. Your place at the banquet is being prepared. I know it's hard, but hold on to the thought that He is making it Perfect for you.'
"I think I will always struggle when I hear about people getting pregnant. And it will probably tear at my heart that [name removed] will never look like us or be told things like, "You have your mom's eyes" or "You look JUST like your dad"...things our bio daughter hears every day and DETESTS!! I'll have to take comfort in the hopes that maybe she will get [my] offbeat sense of humor or [my husband's] love of cooking!"
Homecoming
