Christmas '07

Click play to see Chris' slide show of before and after pictures

of Josie set to Third Day's Merry Christmas song.

Six Months Since Gotcha Day!

Six months ago today, Chris and I held Josie for the first time. Jillions of hugs and kisses later, we took the kids to lunch at a local Chinese restaurant to celebrate. Josie liked everything (as usual). And since it was American Chinese food, there were only a couple of things Mommy ran into that she didn't like ( : We decided those must be the more authentic selections. Josie didn't know why Mommy didn't care for them.

Now she's taking her nap. She knows the routine. After a diaper change, she'll get to watch a short video with her siblings, usually of children singing songs or of talking vegetables. Then she'll have some play time before Daddy comes home and we have dinner (not that we'll be able to eat much after that lunch!). Next there will probably be some reading and wrestling with Daddy before it is time to stretch her elbow, range her shoulder and strengthen her external rotators. Then there's the usual bedtime rituals of PJs, teeth brushing, and face washing. We'll all pray together on the couch, someone will choose how to go to bed (planes and skipping are favorites), and Daddy and Mommy will do their special pattern of hugs and kisses. "Good night, Josie. We love you like crazy cakes. See you in the morning, Sweet Potato."

Part of the Family

We have acutally had a few people request another update, so here it is. However, this should be seen only as a weening post. ( : I'll try to remember to update here in 6 months and a year.

More and more Josie is fitting in to the family and we are also merging. She is more smiles than screams now. She loves to race her thumb to her mouth at bedtime before Mommy can get her kissed and laughs hysterically when she has her thumb subsequently plucked from her mouth. This is our nightly ritual. But then, so is her throwing her little China girl doll on the floor as soon as I shut the door! She is also realizing Mommy is more stubborn than Josie and is making some better choices because of it. She is enjoying farm animal books and makes the sounds along with us. Michael can "read" these books to her too. She still dislikes her exercises but is improving in her range of motion because of them. We visit a specialist medical team in August and plan to start the re-do of the immunizations as well as the blood work and TB test then. We hope she will be able to visit her Nanjing buddies (Abby and Rylan) in the future. Actually Chris and I want to stay in contact with our traveling partners too and enjoy hearing about how they are doing.

Air Guitar Josie

Oh, the fun we will have!

WOW!

Saturday Chris and I received a response from Shaohannah's Hope (Steven and Mary Beth Chapman's adoption facilitation non-profit). We were shocked and elated to read we are recipients of a grant for the adoption!!! I wanted to just share it here (even though I didn't plan to add to this site) mainly because I want to say, "God was gracious, even though I was pouty." I am so grateful for the help and so...I don't know the word for the emotion! I am glad God saw fit to give it to us even though He didn't have to. It is a reminder that He knows my heart and loves me anyway. He gives like a parent more concerned with the daughter's character and faith that the gift itself. I had been disturbed that trying to be wise financially resulted in less help than if we'd gotten into debt. At the same time, I was grateful for what we had. So those two thoughts battled in my mind. And then He does this.

Two Week Update

She knows she's cute! And she's starting to realize she's loved. We are seeing loads of smiles, getting lots of sweet kisses, and she's beginning to be comfortable being held and cuddled. In fact, she is now willingly making the choice to calm down in our arms (rather than raging against being held against her will) and making long eye contact and smiling after she calms!! This is a huge blessing and something we have been praying for. (Resisting or disliking being held is one of the signs of a lack of attachment and she definately struggled here.) I cannot tell you how thrilled I am! We received an attachment checklist from our agency and I was encouraged to see the progress from our first days home to today. She is quite responsive to us and is becoming more so every day.

She is also giving and receiving love from her big sister and even starting to from her big brother (when he's not taking her toys). We went to lunch today with THREE of her grandmas and her grandpa and she actually said, "done" when I told her she didn't have to keep eating. Wow, saying no to food is a big one! She no longer displays fear of T-Rex and she cries only seconds when put to bed. My feelings of attachment are much stronger now that I am well, and amazingly, those sessions of holding her through her rage and anger and sweat and tears has drawn her much closer to my heart. I found myself uttering promises to her I couldn't have said two weeks ago.

Yesterday a visitor commented her husband decided against trying to adopt out of the foster system. He was concerned (and with good reason) of what a damaged 2 or 3 year old would be like, the chaos it would create in the family, and whether he would be able to love a child like that in comparison to his bio children. I know I cannot speak to loving a bio child. And adjustments of all kinds are difficult. But, oh, how I wish they would do it. Tears well just thinking about it. The risk IS huge. But the thought of the unknown is worse than the reality...especially the reality after adjustment! There is such a need. No child deserves to be brought up without a family. We've often said if everyone who thought about it did it, we wouldn't have an orphan crisis in our world. Josie just gave me a high five for that line! But we've convinced no one. I would so love to know that this blog of our experience helped an orphan to find family or encouraged someone to support a family trying to adopt. 5.5 million in Africa. 3.5 million in Asia. 1.5 million in Eastern Europe. 400,000 in Latin America. 135,000 in the US.

Thank you for walking through this with us. We have needed your support over these last three years. This chapter is closing. But stay tuned, we hope there will be more to come. Michael still wants that little brother. And when asked if they would rather have help paying for college or bring another little one home from an orphanage, our kids show big hearts. (Okay, and a good measure of ignorance!) Laura F., I don't now about the "100 children legend", but if God provides a way....Let's just say the emboidered picture you brought us from China is on our living room wall as a reminder. We are thinking of Ethiopia. But that would be impossible; another international adoption; no way could we do that. Wait, didn't we say that before?

"But you, O God, do see trouble and grief;

You consider it to take it in hand.

The victim commits himself to you;

you are the helper of the fatherless."

Psalm 10:14

What a Difference a Family Makes!

J ust two weeks,
O h how far she's come!
S ee her pet the dog?
I magine the difference a family makes.
E ncouraging, isn't it?

(Ready to see it for yourself? Visit familylife.com and click on "hope for orphans" or do an internet search for "waiting children and adoption." Or, if you can't, please find a family who is trying and help them make it a reality!)

Our "blue couch photos"

Yeah!

One Week Update

Yeah!!!
*Our lost luggage was found and delivered via FedEx. Nothing was broken!
*We've had visits from Selena's brother, nephew, sister, mom and aunt, Tammie and Makayla, the Simmons, the Balls, LuzBetty, the Eckels and Samson! Chris' parents will be here next week and both Josie's great-grandmas on that side are also planning a visit thanks to them.
*Selena is feeling MUCH better and no longer associates being sick with Josie. ( :
*Josie no longer screams whenever a sibling touches her or she sees T-Rex. (She even pet the dog and now enjoys chasing him and then barking at him!)
*After Selena had to miss church Sunday to keep her bugs to herself, she is much looking forward to tomorrow (three weeks away is too long). We plan to wear our Chinese outfits.
*Josie cries when put to bed, but stays there and soon falls asleep. She usually sleeps until we wake her.
*Friends from church have provided a couple of meals, with more planned (thank you, thank you!).
*Our photos are being developed.
*Our stomachs have stretched back to their original size so we can eat full meals again and we have recovered from the time change.
*Chloe and Michael continue to love Josie and enjoy telling her that in the midst of her fits: "I love you anyway!"
*Josie's skin is doing so much better. The scars are fading well and she's not scratching nearly as much. She is also not screaming at bath time and is enjoying parts of it.
*We still aren't satisfied with her level of dependence on us as her sole providers/parents, but today when introduced to a friend (a stranger to her) after she initially went freely to him to be held, she pulled back and wanted Mommy. He graciously understood this was a good thing.

Here's a picture from Aunt Janice from the 1:00am first meeting:

"I can't believe she's really here!"-Chloe

Dancing to Cedarmont Kids

(I think this is how Chloe learned English!)

Adjustment to Home

One of the things the orphanage taught me was that whatever behaviors Josie has, there is a reason for them.


*She stuffs food in her face until she cannot chew it, let alone swallow. Then it all comes out.
*She screams when a child touches her and pushes away.
*She collapses into a puddle and cries out whenever displeased.
*She runs full force and collapses into us with no regard for her safety or ours.
*A friend of hers would growl and grunt in bizarre ways when not happy.

-They told me "when her bowl is empty, show it to her or she'll cry." She'd never been fed until she was full. (I took a picture of a young girl for her coming-soon American mom. She would not put down her bowl for the picture even with great coaxing from the nannies. I took several pictures with the bowl at her mouth, it contained a bit of broth she'd not yet finished.)
-She's territorial and must defend her space.
-Chinese people pay attention to the crying baby (even complete strangers help if the child cries).
-There's a good chance the nanny will catch you if you'll be hurt otherwise.
-This last one was the most shocking for me and thankfully, one Josie uses the least.



It has been very difficult for me to deal with the constant fits. We tried comforting and ignoring. Now we just say "no" "up" and lift her back to her feet. But we have to do this continually: if we say no, if she sees the dog, if Michael or Chloe touch her, if I am requiring her to feed herself the fingerfood, if it is time for bed, etc. But it is getting better. She slept through the night last night. She used her fork at lunch as long as I loaded it. She is saying at least one new English word a day.

Chloe and Michael are doing well with her. Chris reminds me she is cute and will become more and more the child God intends her to be. I'm still in the "Why did we do this? We were really happy with two children" mode, but know my adjustment will come around as well. We know the truth: she is a beautiful creation, she was meant for our family, I was meant to be her Mom, and God will give me all I need to love her day by day. Soon it will come as naturally as breathing and yet surprise me with its strength. I have seen glimpses. I have experienced it twice before. And I am all the more grateful for a God who took me when I was a wreck and continues to love me through my fits, knowing I am not what I will be through His love and care.


The below pictures are of our first meeting.

Later, when asked what the orphanage wanted Josie to know in the future, the nanny said, that "she is usually afraid of strangers, but she went right to you; you were meant to be her mom." Now, maybe she was talking about the first second, because, as you can see, this was not a child who was happy the second second! Perhaps it was a standard line. But I also asked what they liked most about Josie. First they said, "she's smart," but they quickly changed it to "her smile."

or the third second!

Ah, but thanks to Mr. Scott and Grandpa Riddle, we were prepared with fruit chews!

Josie thinking, "you look really weird."

Here we are introducing her to her big sister and brother.

Her Half-the-Sky grandmother is there: the person she was closest to in all the world.

Orphans

This little one has a family! You can tell by the collection of items under her crib which came in a care package. Josie received something similar from us.

When our group saw the number of babies in their cribs (and we just visited one floor), someone asked when their paperwork would be done (ie-why do we have to wait so long?) The interpreter told us they had to wait to see which ones could be adopted (ie. strong enough to survive; adoptable through the typical program; or with special needs, but of the variety Americans would still adopt). Lying in the corner of the room, closest to us was a baby with an eye infection. The cellulitis (red, inflammation of tissue) was extensive: at least an inch all the way around the eye socket. I wondered if she would loose her sight. I thought of my antibiotics back in my bag at the hotel room. I thought of the eye doctor from my church who'd have that baby healthy in no time. I wondered if she would be a survivor. I wanted to go in and pick her up and pray over her. I just took a picture and walked to the next room.

I belive this is the one, right in the corner. But I'm not positive-there were several rooms just like this.

More Pictures: Beijing

Beijing was our first stop and looking back, taught us the most about China. This was mainly because of our guide. She ran a narrative the entire time we were with her. For instance, at Tienneman Square she informed us the Chinese people are forbidden to talk about what happened there and she does not know herself. She wasn't asking us for information, just stating she didn't know and couldn't find out. The image of that tank rolling over an unarmed person standing in silent protest was one of my earliest images of China and remains a vivid picture of our deep need for freedom and the ability to find Truth. She also spoke of Hong Kong and Taiwan along Community Party lines and I realized (I don't know why I was suprised) this was all she'd ever heard. She had no idea this was a point of contention with the Western world or that those rooms held for them in the builing behind us would remain empty if the said inhabitants had their way. None from our group told her anything different; there was no opening, no desire to know.

This is one of the stadiums being built for the 2008 Olympics. She told us there were three things the Olympic Committee wanted Beijing to address: 1) the pollution, 2) the traffic, and 3) supplying enough English translators. We found the way these were being addressed very interesting. Several companies who produce the most pollution were relocated to different parts of China, with the government footing the bill. I cannot imagine the cost of this, and wonder what the same money applied to green technology would have done. But they just moved the problem. Greenery was then brought in. Everywhere were new trees and shrubs, freshly planted. Our guide told us the Beijing people were most excited about this as their city was much more beautiful now. Lastly, the government began counting the "blue skies." Everyday that some patch of blue sky was visable, it was a blue sky day. Indeed, we saw some! Our guide hadn't seen any before these changes were made, it was always grey. Still, it was notibly polluted to us and several of us experienced sore throats while we were there from the pollution. #2 Traffic. A new mass transit system is being installed at great cost. But our guide is 100% confident the Beijing people will not use it after the Olympics. She said they would not want to be crowded together when they could drive. Also, she said the government will just tell the people to drive on X days if they had an even tag and on Y days if an odd tag. She thought the Chinese were very clever and could come up with out of the Western box solutions. And even though she'd told us in numerous ways that the Chinese people consider laws to be suggestions and are really in it for themselves, she told us here that they would put country above themselves. #3 English translators: she thought this bizarre since every student is taught English and they have billions of people. The taxi drivers are having mandatory English lessons to keep their licenses, but she says they are quite resentful of this.

And three other tidbits: 1) She believes the USA will not permit Chinese people entry as tourists! She thinks this a grave economic mistake on the part of America, since they have money to spend. No one told her that it is China who limits this, not the US! 2) She counts it odd the Americans believe in God (the majority of the Americans she interacts with are adopting and are Christian). She said her parents' generation worshipped Buddha, but only when she had a test they wanted her to pass. Now, our group thought that sounded like a lot of nominal Christians in the US, so we have that in common! But she said her generation (she is 25) does not rely on a god, they rely on themselves. For me, this explained a lot of the little cultural differences I'd been experiencing: the Chinese do not form lines, it's cut and shove and every man for himself; the distain for the disabled; the incredulous looks and questions at why we'd want more than one child (they cost $ to raise) or why we'd take one who had a disability. But she also said that after being around us "crazy Americans" for two years she'd decided to have a child. Before she didn't want to because she likes her $ too much. Now she thinks she will since her mother-in-law would help care for him/her. But she and her husband are dragon and tiger. This year's pig wouldn't be a good match, maybe next year.

Some Laughs

Pictures are coming, really! Our internet is too slow to download them so as soon as I get a chance to borrow some high-speed access (ie, when may I come over, Mom?), I'll share some shots of the orphanage (great for insight into Josie's behavior) as well as some homecoming picts.

But here are some humorous China moments:

*A saleslady in Guangzhou asked a group in her way if she could "pass away". She meant pass through but the rude English-speaking man informed her she could pass away any moment and it would be fine with him. We did take the time to explain she'd just asked permission to die and which word to use next time. This was the same lady in whose store Chris had passed 20 minutes during a Josie nap time. Every time she asked if he "liked", he's say "maybe" totally frustrating her. (You have to remember a customer is stalked with great determination since commission is involved.) She remembered him and called us by name every time we went by (which was often since it was on the way to Lucy's-the American food restaurant).

*The Nanjing orphanage girls started out growling at each other if the other came too close to the food supply those first days. Their "sharing" consisted of taking pretend crumbs of food and offering it to one another (and it was pretend eaten!). By the last day together, Abby had a hamburger and was freely offering Josie bites. They had figured out the food was in good supply.

*At Lucy's the first time, Josie had some ketchup on her face and grunted for a napkin. When I realized we didn't have any and communicated that, she pretend picked one up, dabbed the corners of her mouth and then set it down on the table before giving us a sparkling grin. I wasn't expecting pretend play and was delighted.

*Rylan, another Nanjing child, was a hoot. He has a hilarious sideways glance that always left a grin on my face. We explained to his parents that in India, marriages are arranged and we often tell Chloe this. So I suggested an early arrangement between Rylan and Josie. We took their picture in front of a carved jade castle (future home). But they act more like siblings. In fact, when they were told no for rocking a stroller, Rylan immediately pointed to Josie and raised his eyebrows in an innocent/wrongly accused expression. This family lives only one state away so we hope to see them again. (SIL Linda-they are from your home town!) The dads were watching the kids while moms were in a meeting. Rylan dropped a cheerio and when dad picked it up to throw it away he melted to the floor in typical Nanjing orphanage fashion and began to howl. Chris quickly grabbed the bag to show him there were more, but unfortunately, grabbed it from Josie who then also melted to the floor in pathetic wailing. The dads just looked at one another. There is no going back once the melt has begun. (P.S. this is the reaction T-Rex gets evey time Josie sees him; he sulks to his kennel each time.)

*Small world: There was a couple in our group which had grown up in Chris' home town and 12 miles from my maternal home town. In a bus once, I asked the American couple behind me where they were from and they were from the same state. We were the third couple they had met from our state! On finding day, friends from our group chatted with a couple from another agency who was also receiving a daughter from Nanjing. Turns out that couple had once lived where they lived and they'd gone to the same church.

Riddles are home!

5:30 am China time saw us leaving our hotel room for the airport in Guangzhou. 5:30 pm China time saw us STILL flying home. 5:30 am China time saw us at the Chicago airport with half of our 5 hour layover done (we were eating at McDonald's). 1 am our time saw us introducing Josie to the kids as well as Aunts Shana and Janice and Grams. We were back in bed by 3 am.

Josie did well for a two year old spending over 24 hours traveling. We had no issues with her "diapers." Big thank you, God! Back home, she is slowly getting used to our house and the kids. She was shocked to realize she had to share Mommy and Daddy with two other kids! Michael is learning to keep his hands off her face (she has an instant, high-pitched scream) and Chloe is patiently waiting for Josie to warm up to cuddles. They made friends at the initial meeting by feeding Josie marshmallows!

Josie is TERRIFIED of T-Rex. He cannot even look at her from across the room without sending her into a fight-or-flight hysteria. We thought about sending him to Grams for awhile so she could get used to the house first, but right now he's still here (in a corner somewhere feeling rejected).

We are going to take a "nobody hold her but Daddy and Mommy" approach for the next couple of weeks. We feel she needs this more than Chloe did as Josie is still working on her attachment to us and we think she's not quite where she would need to be for us to pass her around. We are hopeful to be in church tomorrow morning but we won't be able to put her in the nursery for the same reason. Ever try to tell a two year-old who doesn't speak your language to please be quiet during the service???

Michael and Chloe grew while we were gone even though I had explicitly told them not to do that. So disobedient! Daddy and Mommy are really proud of them for coping these last two weeks. Of course, that had much to do with five wonderful relatives who took care of them! They had a jar of Hershey's kisses so they could see the time left as they each had a kiss "from us" daily. Last night as Michael ate his last kiss, Aunt Shana reports he said, "It's a real exciting sing!" We agree.

Oh, and Michael's quote upon meeting Josie? "Let's talk about a boy now." He did wait until we brought Josie home, just as we'd asked . (He'd been wanting to talk about a brother for some time.)

It is so good to be home. In addition to our kids, we've enjoyed showering in clean water that doesn't stink and using the faucet to brush our teeth. I'm also enjoying the washing machine and the dish washer! We washed our clothes in the hotel bathtub while we were gone and hung our clothes all over the room!

Thanks to Shawn and Tammie for meeting us at the airport! Thanks to Kim for keeping this blog updated! Thanks to Shana for the clean house! Thanks to Grandpa and Grandma Riddle, Grams, Aunt Janice and Aunt Shana (who took 1 1/2 weeks off) for caring for Chloe and Michael. Thanks to Marta for the second phone card for the kids (it was soooo good to talk to them each morning.) And thanks for all the prayers for us while we were away. Please continue to pray for our transition to "zone defense" and for Josie, she is overwhelmed right now. I will try to post some photos in the next few days, but don't have the gumption right now. (It is almost 6 am China time so it's like pulling an all-nighter even though it is just dinner time now!)

Also, we lost a bag in China. It didn't make it from the Chinese airline to United. It contained some gifts but also the two gifts the orphanage gave to Josie and us. So we'd also appreciate prayer that it is found and delivered to United!

Yeah! She's home!!! And she's definately a Riddle ( : And as of touch down in Chicago, she's also an American citizen!!

Hong Kong

It is 11:40am here and we board the plane in about 20 minutes. We made it out of Guangzhou and our flight out of Hong Kong to Chicago appears to be on time. We have a 5 hour layover in Chicago and will go through customs/immigration there. Once we reach US soil, Josie will be a US citizen!! This is a change from when we brought Chloe home. Yesterday we finished up the shopping, took the oath at the US consulate's and went out to eat one last time with our travel group. We fly to Chicago with two families from that group, including one of Josie's orphanage mates. We are tired but doing well. So glad we brought congestion meds as I am needing them!

Please pray for Josie to not have trouble with her "diapers" on the plane. It started to become a concern yesterday. Too many cereal Os perhaps; but they keep her happy! We can't wait for this next part of the trip to be over and to be home! But it has gone well and Josie is almost there! Love you Chloe and Michael!! Thank you everyone for your prayers and help. See you soon!

Guangzhou #2

Hi all! It is Tuesday afternoon here. We need to have our bags outside the door Friday morning by 5:20 to begin our journey home. Still to come is our consulate appointment (tomorrow) in which our CCAI guide goes and we stay in our hotel room by the phone in case there is something wrong. Thursday we actually go to the consulate for our oath. We can take a diaper in a clear zip lock bag but no camera or other bags. We miss you Chloe and Michael and are very much looking forward to giving you real hugs! We show Josie pictures of her "GiGi" and "GaGa" and tell her she is a "MeiMei." You will love her little kisses! She is now waving goodbye and giving hi fives. She still will not eat off her plate; she must be fed. If we put the bite on a napkin, she will finger feed, but she won't take it off her plate unless it is a french fry or a cheerio. (Yeah, Lucy's-an American food restaurant here).

Today we went to the pearl market. We still have lots of shopping to do tonight as we've only found two gifts for the relatives ( : But the pearl market had a Pizza Hut so Mommy was happy. And good news: Josie likes it! Again, a sure sign she is a Riddle!

The pictures today are the last ones we will be able to post here. Our friends from Nebraska who've graciously let us use their lap top get to head home tomorrow morning. One picture is an example of the "Chinglish" I referred to in an earlier post. I hope you will be able to click on it to enlarge it and read it. There are a couple of pictures of Josie (of course) and a picture of her at the medical exam we needed for the US consulate. The doctor there was most concerned with a scar on Josie's right hand. She even measured it. We think it was a mosquito bite which Josie scratched and then it became infected. Anyway, it was funny that the doctor spent more time on that than on Josie's arm. Also, the doctor had not heard of brachial plexus injuries (or of scoliosis, as another of our group has that diagnosis). Josie's temp was also of concern. But she refuses to take off her sweater (because everyone points to the scars on her arms) and she'd been in our carrier (little oven) and had been crying. We promised she was not running a fever! The other picture is at the pearl market.

Other highlights: nearly everyone in China knows how to say "hello." They greet us often and also yell it to get our attention or use it to point to items on a menu we may like. Still, it makes us feel more comfortable. I brought along my favorite book and found someone who wanted to read it. This person even wanted two copies, one for a friend. Chris and I ventured to an area with no foreigners to see what it would be like. People did stare at us but they tried to not create a stir. I was glad Chris was there with me. A couple of people did point to Josie and asked, "Chinese?" Some were obviously confused. One was able to say, "daughter?" Friends from Ohio have been yelled at for having a Chinese daughter but for the most part people are not angry, just curious. I know there are rumors here that Americans come and buy these girls and there is distrust as to why. They like seeing Josie respond well to us and smile or reach for us. Some ask her questions, but she isn't able to answer. Again, the friend from Ohio had someone ask in English about his daughter and when he responded yes, that she was his, they didn't believe him and insisted he was holding her while he waited for his friend to come out of the shop.

Josie is also doing better with attachment. At a store yesterday I was concerned when a saleslady talked to her and tried to get her to come (which they all do) and Josie actually lifted her arms to be taken. I said no and made sure she stayed in her stroller. But then while talking again, Josie lost sight of me and turned in a panic to make sure I was there. That is actually a really good sign in the adoption/attachment world. She is also loving to come running pell-mell into my arms shrieking the whole way and then collapsing into me. And she and her other two pals from Nanjing (all 2 years) love to point to each other's noses and talk and boss each other around. It is quite a sight with the three of them in a circle in their strollers yacking away. None of us Americans know if they are really saying anything!

I may be able to post once more before we leave Guangzhou (without pictures), but don't worry if we don't. We should arrive back home this weekend. We do not look forward to the flight home or the jet lag, so you can pray for us there. Also, we'd love prayer for two gals in our group who are flying home with 5 year olds who've never been told no. Neither mom has her husband here or a travel companion! One leaves tomorrow (Wed) and the other Friday (remember we are 13 hours ahead of you).

We can't wait to introduce you to the newest Riddle!